First things first, don’t get muddled thinking that being alone means that you’re lonely. They are two very different things. Being alone is the straight fact that you are physically on your own.

Being lonely is a feeling that you can have both when you are on your own and equally in a room surrounded by people. Although often used interchangeably, they hold very different meanings. You can be alone but not lonely; likewise, you can be with people but still feel very lonely. Or, both – alone and lonely, or neither. 

Here we’re focussing on being comfortable physically on your own, and although the feelings of loneliness might come into it, it’s not the focus of this article. If you’re interested in the impact of loneliness on solos, we have explored this in previous articles; Is there a difference between living alone, being in solitude and loneliness?. 

A dislike of being alone can come from many different sources. In a society where we never have to be alone thanks to technology, the very idea of it might feel unnatural to some. For others who might lack activities or hobbies that they feel confident to do alone, the notion of spending time alone might make them worry they’ll get bored quickly without someone else to keep them engaged. 

HuffPost looked at why people can’t stand being alone and found a study reporting participants would instead rather give themselves electric shocks than spend 15 minutes alone with their own thoughts. Maybe it’s the realisation that we might not like what we have to say to ourselves that causes people to feel uncomfortable with the idea of being on their own. 

This concept of not wanting to be alone with your own thoughts centre around a term call reflection. This is where you process thoughts and feelings, generally after an incident or negative experience, but it can be used daily as a way to keep in touch with your inner self. When left to its own devices, our mind might start to prompt us to think about these thoughts and feelings. 

We also naturally gravitate towards negative thinking. Very rarely does our mind offer us praise for something we did well. Instead, it will remind you of that thing you did or said wrong and that you may regret. If you’re avoiding having only yourself to talk to, spending time alone won’t be something you opt-in for. 

However, being in touch with your inner self is very closely linked to this idea of being content with your own company. Sometimes the ideas around the inner self are clouded because people think it has to do with mediation and unfamiliar practices. 

Meditation and mindfulness do open pathways for people to connect with themselves in new and beneficial ways, but the hidden ‘inner you’ within all of us is rooted in another theory. This theory is called ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and is a well-accepted theory of what each and every human needs to grow, survive and thrive.

At the top of this hierarchy, is self-actualisation defined as the complete realisation of one’s potential, development of abilities and appreciation for life. Arguably this includes being content and comfortable being alone, with your own thoughts and engaging in activities on your own.