I also declined to date fairly quickly after a brief affair. I travelled within. A cliche maybe, but that’s where I have been and probably where I am, today. Being ‘Kathy like’ as one very good friend coined…describes the Kathy who was and still is processing frustration, anger, grief, loss and acceptance as well as welcoming learning and gratitude in my own personal way. It is a journey that we can only do for ourselves and internally, by ourselves.
I was never lonely, just alone and embracing it. There were concerns for me as I actively, positively and systematically reviewed every area of my life and closed 90% of it down. ‘Self-isolating’, ‘close to a breakdown’ and ‘unstable’ were all words hurled at me prior to an attempt to try and explain my actions when asked by others.
As I tried to explain my experience and my feelings, words have become misinterpreted in my clumsiness and have often stuck in my throat. Talking about divorce and separation is not easy. The same friend who describes ‘Kathy like’ said during a time where I was feeling immense fatigue…”It’s okay to live a life others do not understand”, as I made a decision to stop a high profile career that was bringing with it health concerns.
I paid professionally for the support I needed to break the chains from the past. I craved freedom from judgement while also needing to ensure personal safety and the sabotage that could come from listening too much to others.