Helen shares some of the solitary aspects of being a Northumberland wedding photographer and why she has set some social media boundaries.
As a career-focused, dog-obsessed female in her thirties, there are some questions that I truly dread at social events and family reunions; “Where would you put yourself on the marriage, house, and kids timeline?” There are so many societal expectations projected onto us at this age, and it’s not healthy. Everyone has their own story and timeline, and that’s ok.
When you attend multiple weddings a year as part of your job, these societal norms can seem overwhelmingly important. Don’t get me wrong, I love documenting the relentless joy of newlyweds, but it can make you evaluate your life decisions and become hypercritical of your own timeline.
This bride has achieved so much; she has a lot more friends than me and what appears to be a deep, loving relationship. What am I doing wrong? It can be hard to stay grounded and keep envy away when attending so many of these special events.
One of the choices that have helped me stay in the moment and honestly celebrate with my couples has been setting social media boundaries for myself and for my business.
Getting married for the Gram refers to the trend of couples using social media, particularly Instagram, to document and share every aspect of their wedding day, from the proposal to the honeymoon. This trend often puts too much pressure on couples to create the perfect wedding, which can lead to stress, financial strain, and unrealistic expectations.
As a North East wedding photographer, I became sad witnessing couples ‘getting married for the gram’. Focusing too much on creating a social media-worthy wedding detracts from the deeper meaning and significance of the marriage itself. So how do we stop our obsession with Instagrammable weddings?
To address this question in my work life, I had to take a long hard look at myself and my own social media usage. A few years ago (before detaching myself from mainstream social media), I used many questionable tactics to build a brand presence on Instagram. These included following and unfollowing thousands of accounts in order to achieve an ‘industry standard’ following.
The time between posting a new photograph and waiting for likes was unbearably anxiety-inducing and made me question my skills and credibility as a photographer. I would endlessly scroll and refresh my post until I received some validation. It’s safe to say that I had an addiction.
There are several potential causes of social media addiction, including the constant availability and instant gratification of social media, the dopamine hit associated with receiving likes and comments, and the fear of missing out on important updates or events.
It was hard to imagine how to begin to break my bad habits, but it became possible by making changes like the ones below, little and often:
Set time limits
Decide how much time you want to spend on social media each day, and stick to it. Set clear bounded blocks of time without technology.
Create tech-free zones
Establish areas in your home or workplace where you will not use social media or any other technology. This can include device-free dinners – play a game where the first person to check their device does the dishes!
Take breaks
Regularly take breaks from social media to recharge and avoid burnout. This can include taking a day or weekend off from social media or setting aside time each day for activities that do not involve technology.
Fully disconnect one day per week
Disconnecting can be a powerful way to reconnect with yourself and your loved ones. Pick a date and let your friends and family know you’ll be offline, or better yet, invite them to join you.
As I distanced myself from social media, I began to evaluate my creative practice in a whole new light. Why was I handing over all of my work to a third-party platform that could go out of fashion or cease to exist at any moment? I also wanted brides to feel beautiful and confident, so decided to stop giving my energy to shallow and unrealistic beauty standards on Instagram.
“A 5,000 person study found that higher social media use correlated with self-reported declines in mental and physical health and life satisfaction.”
American Journal of Epidemiology, 2017
I wanted to photograph weddings because I cherish real human connection. I was on a mission to discover how to set effective social media boundaries for myself and my couples so we could focus on wellbeing over likes and shares.
During some online research, I came across the Center For Humane Technology, who works with the intention to shift technology towards a more humane future that supports our wellbeing, democratic functioning, and shared information environment. In their Take Control Toolkit, they have some great resources to help with setting social media boundaries:
Turn off notifications
Social media notifications can be distracting and disrupt your focus. Red is also a trigger colour that instantly draws our attention. Reclaim your time by turning off notifications for apps that are not critical to your work or personal life.
Go to Settings > Notifications, or swipe left on any incoming notification and hit Manage > Turn Off
Another great way to reduce distractions is to install a news feed eradicator plugin. These remove the Facebook newsfeed and blur the sidebars and notifications, to prevent you from getting sucked into the newsfeed.
Use an alarm clock
Wake up without getting sucked into your phone first thing in the morning. Buy a separate alarm clock for the bedroom and leave your phone in a separate room. You can also get more sleep by turning on NightShift (iOS): Blue light from screens late at night tricks our body into believing it’s still daytime, which disrupts our natural ability to sleep.
Go to your Settings > Display & Brightness > turn on Night Shift.
These tips allowed me to fully break up with my phone and reset my values in my personal life and work life. Running a business without Instagram is possible, and can be very soul-fulfilling.
As a Northumberland wedding photographer, my creativity comes most alive when in wild spaces. From windswept coasts to idyllic countryside and thick pine forests, wild spaces become places of reflection, inspiration, and comradeship, and they are where the mind is able to think clearly, dream the ridiculous, and learn the most about how we are all connected to the world around us.
I choose not to use social media for my business anymore, I cherish real human connection and love using wedding photography to capture just that. I believe that photographs should be timeless, something that you can hold in your hand like a vinyl record. Unlike an Instagram post, a physical album is a unique experience, something that couples can come back to again and again, flick through the pages with fond nostalgia and remember why they love each other.
Everyone’s social media boundaries will look different based on their individual needs and circumstances. The most important thing is to be intentional about how you use social media and prioritise your overall wellbeing.
If you would like to learn more about tech addiction and digital wellbeing, visit: https://www.humanetech.com/take-control
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