Simon explains some of the unique challenges he and others might face as a male living alone.
Simon explains some of the unique challenges he and others might face as a male living alone.
Let’s get something out of the way from the outset. In no way, shape or form is this article suggesting that men have it harder than women when living alone. I reckon we still live in a somewhat sexist society that favours men in a huge number of ways, and I am sure that living alone as a woman presents just as many (if not more) challenges than it does for me.
My Unique Challenges Being Male And Living Alone
Living Alone | 27th February 2023 by Simon Day
Let’s get something out of the way from the outset. In no way, shape or form is this article suggesting that men have it harder than women when living alone. I reckon we still live in a somewhat sexist society that favours men in a huge number of ways, and I am sure that living alone as a woman presents just as many (if not more) challenges than it does for me.
Now that I have that caveat out of the way, I’ll move on to the subject of today’s article. What are some of the unique challenges faced by men who are living alone? I will talk about my experience.
I can sum it up in one word – expectations. You see, it’s common to think men are ‘stronger’ and various other silly adjectives and that we are expected to cope and thrive when living alone. In truth, this can be far from the case.
This misguided perception of male strength led to a few challenges when I began my solo living life. I wasn’t in a position to meet the expectations people had of me. Slowly but fairly surely, I managed to tackle these challenges, but I’d be lying if I said it was easy.
Here are three expectations that took me some time to reach.
Emotional expectations
‘Man up’ may be one of the most annoying phrases in the English language. It implies that a man can cope with adversity and thrive in difficult situations. As such, the perception is that men can deal with the challenges of solo living far better than women.
So when I was thrust into a solo living arrangement, I did not receive many messages of emotional support or offers to pop around for a chat. The perception was that I’d be able to cope emotionally. In truth, I found the whole process very daunting. Loneliness, anxiety and stress all reared their heads at times, and it wasn’t always an enjoyable time.
The other issue here is that, as a man, I’m arguably less likely to reach out for support. There’s still a male view that we are stronger and we can cope with adversity, even when it is very often not the case. So I was guilty of not asking for support when I needed it.
The good news is that the world is slowly changing. Men are becoming more open to mental health interventions and are more likely to reach out to friends. Charities like CALM can be really helpful, as can sites like this.
I was a bit slow to take advantage and seek help. I gradually forced myself to speak with friends and open up about my situation. It made a huge difference, and now, when I have a difficult day, I feel comfortable reaching out for emotional support.
Physical expectations
If you spend enough time trawling the planet, you might eventually encounter somebody worse at DIY than me, but those people are few and far between. In short, I am atrocious at maintenance, building furniture or any other branch of DIY. I can keep my house (and myself!) clean and tidy, but putting up shelves and similar activities are well outside my wheelhouse. I don’t think there is a specific word for a phobia of DIY (hammeraphobia?!), but if there was, I’d be a sufferer.
Unfortunately, people think all men are capable of a bit of DIY. So when I started living alone there were no offers to help me put up a shelf, build flat-pack furniture or sort out my garden. I strongly suspect that things would have been different had I been female.
The positive here is that I was forced to confront my demons. I slowly built up the confidence to hammer a nail into the wall. I gradually discovered that it was possible to build a small bookcase. And I found out I did have the skill set to carry out a few home improvements.
I’m still completely useless at DIY, but by doing a few small jobs I can get by when it comes to home improvements. And, to my immense surprise, I don’t hate doing it!
Social expectations
“You’ll be able to meet new people and make new friends.” That was a common sentence said to me when I embarked on my solo living adventure. On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact. The opportunities for people living alone to meet other people are better than ever. Websites like Meetup facilitate social gatherings, and online dating is now the most common way of starting a relationship.
On the other hand, I’m not exactly a social animal when it comes to meeting new people. I’m sure there will be many men living alone who are the same. Put me in a room with friends, and I’m great company. But meeting new people is an entirely different thing. It puts me out of my comfort zone, and I struggle to be ‘me’.
As a consequence, I did very little ‘meeting new people’ during my early days of living alone. However, after a bit of time, I plucked up the courage and joined a couple of local Facebook groups and set up a Meetup account. I discovered initially that talking to people online made for a far more comfortable situation. Subsequently, meeting people in real life has become a lot less intimidating, and I am slowly getting to know some new people.
Taking it slowly
As you can tell, getting to grips with the challenges of living alone as a male can take a bit of time. But the good news is that it does not require any drastic action or major lifestyle changes. I’ve slowly adapted to the challenges and made small changes to my life. Not only have they greatly improved my solo living experience, but they’ve given me a great sense of achievement. I’m better at home improvements, I’m more sociable, and I’m more open with my friends.
So if you are new to solo living (regardless of your gender!), try not to panic and feel overwhelmed by the challenges. And don’t feel like you need to make huge changes. Take things slowly, seek out websites like this one and gradually adapt to the situation. And never feel like you need to ‘man up’.
Simon Day
Simon is a freelance writer and blogger based in the West Midlands. He writes on various topics, specialising in sports and mental health (although not always at the same time!). He has extensive experience in marketing, having worked for large organisations in both the financial and charity sectors. Outside of work he is a disgruntled supporter of Gillingham FC, a pessimistic fan of the Philadephia Eagles and a reasonably competent village cricketer.
1 thought on “My Unique Challenges Being Male And Living Alone”
Simon, I found your article extremely thought provoking and inspiring. I’m currently going through a breakdown and it’s been quite traumatic. Reading your words has giving me some
comfort that in the future things will start to get a bit easier even if it’s incredibly tough now.